My grandmother is in a panic, hyperventilating out of complete fear and shock—“Why would he be after us?” I ask attempting to console her. She struggles to get words out of her mouth, tripping over every syllable. Out the corner of my eyes, through the windows at the back of the house, I see a gallon-hatted figure hidden amongst the top of the pines. I grab my grandmother by the shoulders and usher her into a secure room, but it’s too late. He’s here.
Homelander crash lands onto our roof in a flash of lightning . From the rubble of our shingles the Kirin he’s mounted upon rears, letting out a wicked cry. PLING!—The sniper lets out a shot, striking the side of the Kirin as he leaps out from the foliage atop a Pegasus. I yank my grandmother outside as quickly as possible, attempting to get away from the house in the midst of the destruction.
The Cowboy lassoes the Kirin, yanking it forward and forcing Homelander off its back. As Homelander begins to lift into the air—CRASH—FBIman flies down from the sky and tackles Homelander through our house and into the foundation. The Kirin plays dead on the roof, still tied up by the Cowboy who isn’t fooled by its display. He places his heel on the Kirin’s neck and yanks off its horn as it cries in pain. Then boom. It’s out in a single shot.
Some time later we are introduced to a new superhero, Blue Cat, who has discovered highly classified information on Homelander. For that reason he wants her dead. Spiderman attempts to help her figure out how to escape meanwhile FBIman attempts to distract Homelander.
At one point, while Blue Cat is in New York City, Homelander finds a cloak of invisibility and sneaks up on her. Moments away from having her head severed from her neck via laser vision FBIman saves the Blue Cat by releasing a series of classified documents on Homelanders birth, causing Homelander to burst into tears and revealing his location to Blue Cat, who escapes unharmed.
FBIman, Spiderman, and Blue Cat come to the conclusion that the only way to stop Homelander is to convince the world that Blue Cat no longer exists. The team fake a leak to the press claiming that Blue Cat lost her powers in a freak collision with a brick wall and that she has since blended seamlessly into normal society. The press runs the story, adding, “This story, which feels like it was made up by three children and a man in a trench coat, was leaked to us by three children and a man in a trench coat.”
Blue Cat and myself walk through Walmart, discussing what state we should send her to for witness protection.